There's a photo of me at 14 that made me feel uncomfortable. Not because I looked bad or anything, I looked fine, actually, better than I gave myself credit for at the time. I looked everywhere and I just can’t find this photo. So for now, I had to regenerate it on AI so you could see my very favorite summer short set in 1976. The girl does not look too much like me, although she has very nice hair, but the short set is very similar, so you’ll get the idea of what it looked like.

But I do remember how I felt, because every time I looked at that photo of myself, I would be critical and say that I needed to lose a few pounds. I was dressed in my white terry cloth shorts, with the red and blue piping that was super popular at the time, and when I had looked at the photo not too long ago, I actually looked “skinny”. But according to me (and my friends), we were always “feeling fat” (at the time) and trying to lose weight.

Dieting in the 70s and 80s was not too healthy really. At the time we were taking Aydes appetite curbing candies (that in itself is an oxymoron- LOL) and managed to get our calorie count down to 500 calories per day. I still wondered, “What was I thinking?” Why were we all so hard on ourselves? Why did we all want to be “skinny”?

Fast forward to my 20s and working, the jobs I stayed at too long because leaving felt ungrateful, or didn’t feel “qualified” to find a better one. 

I apologized a lot. The apologies were handed out like they were free to people who never once apologized back. I spent the better part of a decade shrinking to fit into rooms that were never going to make space or even acknowledge that I took time from my life to “work” for you, or that actually cared about the “job” I was doing.  

I would love to reach through the photograph and gently put my arms around that 14 year old girl or 20-something young woman, and then take her aside for some “real life” advice. That’s where time travel could come in handy. But since CERN is not sharing that with anyone quite yet, my hope is right now, today, for any girl or woman reading this, who may be like that girl or young woman, please consider this and learn, this is not a preachy sermon. Just hopefully some life lessons that can help you along the way so you won’t have to learn “the hard way.” ~ 💖With love & sisterhood ~ Inci 

1. Stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault.
We were the generation raised to smooth things over. Turns out "sorry" shouldn’t be a personality trait. Stop apologizing for things you simply did not do. 

2. Your body doesn't need to be a certain size to be happy.
We spent decades dieting away joy in our lives. The number on the scale was never going to really make us happy. And it really did not matter if we weighed 5 pounds less, or wore a size or two smaller than we already were. We were still beautiful at any size. Enjoy your body, whatever size you are at that time. Go to the beach and wear that bathing suit or shorts. No one is going to write on your tombstone - She was skinny. 

3. Save money ~ anything ~ starting right now.
Twenty bucks a month at 25 beats two hundred a month at 45. Compound interest doesn't care how broke you were in your twenties. And DO NOT use this fund for any “emergency”, keep it for when you are older. Right now, it seems like being 60 is a long way off to you, especially when you are in your 20s.  But, trust me, time marches on and this getting older business happens faster than you think.

4. Leave the job, the relationship, the friendship or even family members ~ sooner than you think you should.
"I'll give it one more year, it will get better. Then they’ll understand" can cost us collectively a lot of years. And also, these people that you are trying to give every benefit of doubt, just know they will not appreciate you in the long run, and they will not give you the benefit of doubt. They will just be angry that you did not put up with it anymore, when you are done, and you finally leave, you will be the b*tch and you will be called uncaring.

5. Say NO without over explaining WHY.
"No" is a complete sentence. For some reason it takes many people into their 40s and beyond to believe that. Some may get mad at you for not agreeing, but stick to your thoughts, you’re probably right. At least you will feel good about your decision.

6. The friends who mattered were never the ones you had to perform for.
Stop auditioning for people who already left the room and really didn’t care about you. If you are always supporting your friends, with no reciprocity, then it’s time to reconsider your friendship. You need to be the “main character” in your life. You’re not being selfish or a narcissist for doing this. 

7. Take care of your health now, not "later."
Later shows up in your 40s and 50s with interest, and it doesn't negotiate. And yes, smoking, drinking and eating badly DOES affect you later in life. There is a time when your body can’t deal with and repair the damage that was done by neglecting your body. This also is true for stress in your life. 

I still think about that girl sometimes, that 14-year-old who thought she had to earn her place by being thinner, nicer or somehow better. I would love to hand her this list and save her the decade (or more) it took to learn it.

But maybe that's not really the point. Maybe the point is you, reading this now, whether you're closer to your 20s or a little further past it than you'd like to admit. Either way, it doesn’t matter what your age is. You get to say "no" and leave it there. You get to stop auditioning in your own life right now. You are the main character in your life everyday. Remember that with everything you do. And love every moment that you experience in your life without judgement. You are perfect in every way, in this moment. You are always evolving and learning. Tomorrow you will be a little bit different than today. Learning and growing every single day. 💖

If you were a GenXer and a kid in 1976, you might remember “ Bicentennial America” arriving in the form of everything red, white and blue, and American flag related. It seemed like everything that year was focused on how patriotic you could be. 

When we started the school year, teachers already installed patriotic bulletin boards in the classroom, and as the school year progressed, we had assemblies that featured a variety of patriotic bands and themes. I vaguely remember a “colonial fair” on how to make dipped candles like they did back in the olden days. It was fun to try our hand at making candles the old fashioned way. I remember that the boys in our class dipped their fingers in the hot wax and then peeled the wax off, making “extra fingers” to freak people out.

The highlight of that year at my middle school was the dressing like it was 1776. Girls showed up in borrowed aprons and maxi calico skirts, boys in waistcoats and improvised vests. The girls wore bonnets and the boys wore tri-corner hats over 70s haircuts; some even managed a ponytail for that authentic colonial look. We tried not to laugh as we recited lines about independence in the multipurpose room. For one day, our polyester world went colonial, and somehow we all felt kind of cool dressing up in clothes that we normally would never wear. 

But…the rest of the year was pure 1976.

Everyday school clothes were all 70s: denim with matching jackets, corduroy in every earth tone imaginable. Boys wore wide collars and leisure suits. The girls donned peasant blouses, wrap skirts or maxi denim skirts. For some reason wearing small scarves tied around our necks was a big thing at our school. If you did, you were really evolved in fashion. 

Hair for boys and girls were feathered, shagged, and usually parted straight down the middle; clogs, platforms, and sneakers clomped and squeaked across linoleum floors. Special note for Wallabies that were “IN” for girls and boys and you of course, wore them with your jeans. They were super comfortable, although they looked more like shoes boys would wear. 

The Bicentennial had its own soundtrack. “Afternoon Delight” was super popular. It drifted from car radios and kitchen counters all summer, one of those songs you knew by heart long before you understood the lyrics. Thank goodness that your mom and dad really didn’t listen to the lyrics. 

And do you remember Diana Ross with "Love Hangover." Wings' "Silly Love Songs" and “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” was on constant rotation. And if you wanted to dance, KC and the Sunshine Band had you covered with "Shake Your Booty", a title that required zero interpretation.

At school dances and backyard parties, most of us weren’t doing polished Hustle routines; we were doing the Bump. Two kids side by side, bumping hips to KC & The Sunshine Band or “Play That Funky Music,” or the song “We Want the Bump”, in a gym decorated with paper flags on sticks. 

We only had three major networks on TV then. Families gathered for All in the Family, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, and M*A*S*H. Kids claimed The Muppet Show, The Bionic Woman and, soon, Charlie’s Angels, shows that quietly updated our idea of who could be the hero.

Travolta was busy becoming a star as Vinnie Barbarino on Welcome Back, Kotter, delivering lines that somehow made "up your nose with a rubber hose" a cultural phenomenon. Happy Days had everyone nostalgic for an era before Happy Days even existed, which is a very on-brand 1976 move. And S.W.A.T.'s theme song topped the charts before the show did, proof that a good bass line could carry an entire decade.

What makes 1976 feel different, even now, is the way patriotism was layered over everything. Fire hydrants and mailboxes got red, white and blue, star-spangled paint jobs. Kids decorated bikes with crepe paper and flags for neighborhood parades. Bicentennial quarters and two-dollar bills were hoarded in piggy banks. I bet a few of you still have some of those hidden away somewhere. 

In 1976 the country turned 200, and we marked it the way Gen X kids always do, by wearing what we had, listening to the radio that firmly imprinted in our minds what that year was about, and the best part was staying tight with our friends.